Sexual health as a missing pillar of wellbeing with Catriona Boffard
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Catriona Boffard is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and sexuality researcher who hosts the podcast Asking for a Friend. She's completing her doctorate in psychotherapy and works with people facing challenges in their sexual experiences, particularly women dealing with sexual pain. I reached out to her because sexuality is such an important part of being alive, and as a therapist, I see it as a significant aspect of someone's life force. It tells us so much about who we are and what we desire.
Catriona explains that sexual health is just another pillar of our wellbeing, yet it's often excluded from healthcare conversations. Clinicians don't feel comfortable talking about sex because of their own shame, so clients don't think they can bring it up. She works with people experiencing difficulties like vaginismus and anorgasmia, and the number one intervention is giving people permission. Permission to not want something, permission to want something, permission to realize there's nothing wrong with them. The factors contributing to sexual difficulties are multifactorial: strict religious or cultural messages, trauma, negative sexual experiences, relationship dynamics, parenting stress, medications, neurodiversity, and education. South Africa has a risk and safety-focused sex education curriculum rather than pleasure and consent-focused, which leaves huge gaps.
We talk about how sex is the most vulnerable space we can step into with another person. Good sex isn't about how many orgasms you have or how often you do it. Research on magnificent sex shows people talk about being present, transcendence, and expert communication. Catriona introduces the four C's of sex: connection, creativity, curiosity, and compassion. We discuss how porn is acting, how Gen Z has more terms and fluidity but still struggles with shame, and how heterosexual women find sex far more satisfying in midlife when they stop caring what their bodies look like. The cultural and social scripts we inherit get in the way of our bodies' natural wisdom about pleasure and connection.
Follow Catriona on:
Website: https://catrionaboffard.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catrionaboffard/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexologywithcatriona/?hl=en
Podcast : https://catrionaboffard.com/490-2/
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Catriona explains that sexual health is just another pillar of our wellbeing, yet it's often excluded from healthcare conversations. Clinicians don't feel comfortable talking about sex because of their own shame, so clients don't think they can bring it up. She works with people experiencing difficulties like vaginismus and anorgasmia, and the number one intervention is giving people permission. Permission to not want something, permission to want something, permission to realize there's nothing wrong with them. The factors contributing to sexual difficulties are multifactorial: strict religious or cultural messages, trauma, negative sexual experiences, relationship dynamics, parenting stress, medications, neurodiversity, and education. South Africa has a risk and safety-focused sex education curriculum rather than pleasure and consent-focused, which leaves huge gaps.
We talk about how sex is the most vulnerable space we can step into with another person. Good sex isn't about how many orgasms you have or how often you do it. Research on magnificent sex shows people talk about being present, transcendence, and expert communication. Catriona introduces the four C's of sex: connection, creativity, curiosity, and compassion. We discuss how porn is acting, how Gen Z has more terms and fluidity but still struggles with shame, and how heterosexual women find sex far more satisfying in midlife when they stop caring what their bodies look like. The cultural and social scripts we inherit get in the way of our bodies' natural wisdom about pleasure and connection.
Follow Catriona on:
Website: https://catrionaboffard.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catrionaboffard/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexologywithcatriona/?hl=en
Podcast : https://catrionaboffard.com/490-2/
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:02 Introducing Catriona Boffard, clinical sexologist and researcher
- 02:37 Why sexuality is such an important therapy topic
- 04:21 The impossible morning with kids before recording
- 05:19 Parenting depletes capacity for intimacy
- 06:50 What is sexology and clinical sexology?
- 08:44 People think something is wrong with them sexually
- 10:12 Sexual health as a missing pillar of wellbeing
- 11:38 How Catriona discovered sexology in one 45-minute lecture
- 13:02 Vaginismus and anorgasmia: terms women never hear
- 15:47 No postgraduate sexology qualifications in South Africa
- 17:23 Feminist activism underlying this work
- 18:52 Common factors in sexual difficulties
- 20:15 Strict religious and cultural messages about sex
- 21:08 Trauma, relationship dynamics, parenting stress
- 21:45 Neurodiversity and sexual experience
- 22:18 South Africa's risk-focused sex education
- 23:41 The Netherlands' pleasure and consent approach
- 24:58 Treatment interventions and giving permission
- 26:33 Mindfulness as outstanding for sexual experience
- 28:01 Vaginismus as a phobic response
- 28:44 Psychoeducation is crucial
- 30:12 Being embodied versus being cerebral
- 32:47 Men struggling with unhealthy masculinity representations
- 35:22 Generational differences and queer culture influence
- 38:15 Gender expression versus sexual orientation
- 40:33 Learning from the queer community
- 42:08 Heteronormativity is still pervasive globally
- 44:21 Sex is the most vulnerable space
- 46:12 Magnificent sex research: presence and transcendence
- 47:18 Women find sex more satisfying in midlife
- 48:33 Trust happens through micro actions
- 50:14 How we learned about sex in the 90s
- 52:02 Learning to drive by watching Formula One
- 53:41 Real sex: awkward, fumbling, queefing
- 55:49 Make Love Not Porn and real people having sex
- 56:44 Would we know sex without cultural scripts?
- 59:12 Bodies have wisdom we need to access
- 01:00:33 The four C's: add compassion to the list
