O Baby WTF: Preparing for matrescence and the transformation of becoming a parent
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I'm recording this while driving to work—multitasking at its finest! I want to talk about my online course O Baby WTF because I created it to bridge a gap I felt when I became a parent. We get lots of information about birth and infant care when we're pregnant, but almost nothing about preparing for the experience of becoming a new parent. Since Lucy Jones wrote Matrescence and the term is finally getting recognition, it's more important than ever to prepare for this transformation.
O Baby WTF helps you prepare yourself—your own story, background, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and expectations. It gives you a sense of what the experience might be like and how it might differ from what you're anticipating. The course centers on matrescence, the process of becoming a mother that impacts all areas of your life. I thought it would be me plus baby, a simple equation. But it's not. When you become a mother, you become a whole new version of yourself.
Lucy Jones describes matrescence as a metamorphosis. When a caterpillar goes into a cocoon, there's a process of annihilation. If you dissected the cocoon midway, you'd find neither caterpillar nor butterfly—just a goo-like structure. During matrescence, there's a time of not being something solid, of being between forms. The version of yourself you've been all your life is no longer, but you're also not yet fully into this new mother version. You won't automatically feel solid in that role. That's completely normal.
Matrescence has the same suffix as adolescence because it's marked by similar conditions—extreme hormonal fluctuations, body changes, internal and external shifts. Your brain chemistry adapts, hormonal levels fluctuate hugely. If you think back to adolescence and how awkward and conspicuous you felt, that's what matrescence can feel like too. Partners need to understand this. If your partner is currently a goo-like structure, your role is to be the cocoon—the strong, solid, protective layer that keeps her safe.
The course covers four spheres affected by having a baby: you and your identity, you and your partner (when two becomes three), you and your community (friends and family), and you and work. For couples, I talk about dads spending as much time "on the pitch" as possible. Because mom breastfeeds, she ends up doing 90% of the effort and learns faster. There's no maternal instinct—just a steep learning curve. Anyone on duty more will be better at the tasks. We want dads involved from the start so they feel equipped and competent.
The course also includes a five-part mental health toolkit—psychological tools you can use at any moment for those WTF moments. It's set up like a workshop where you take breaks, talk with your partner, answer questions, and reflect according to your own life. Once you have access on my website, you have it for life.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
O Baby WTF helps you prepare yourself—your own story, background, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and expectations. It gives you a sense of what the experience might be like and how it might differ from what you're anticipating. The course centers on matrescence, the process of becoming a mother that impacts all areas of your life. I thought it would be me plus baby, a simple equation. But it's not. When you become a mother, you become a whole new version of yourself.
Lucy Jones describes matrescence as a metamorphosis. When a caterpillar goes into a cocoon, there's a process of annihilation. If you dissected the cocoon midway, you'd find neither caterpillar nor butterfly—just a goo-like structure. During matrescence, there's a time of not being something solid, of being between forms. The version of yourself you've been all your life is no longer, but you're also not yet fully into this new mother version. You won't automatically feel solid in that role. That's completely normal.
Matrescence has the same suffix as adolescence because it's marked by similar conditions—extreme hormonal fluctuations, body changes, internal and external shifts. Your brain chemistry adapts, hormonal levels fluctuate hugely. If you think back to adolescence and how awkward and conspicuous you felt, that's what matrescence can feel like too. Partners need to understand this. If your partner is currently a goo-like structure, your role is to be the cocoon—the strong, solid, protective layer that keeps her safe.
The course covers four spheres affected by having a baby: you and your identity, you and your partner (when two becomes three), you and your community (friends and family), and you and work. For couples, I talk about dads spending as much time "on the pitch" as possible. Because mom breastfeeds, she ends up doing 90% of the effort and learns faster. There's no maternal instinct—just a steep learning curve. Anyone on duty more will be better at the tasks. We want dads involved from the start so they feel equipped and competent.
The course also includes a five-part mental health toolkit—psychological tools you can use at any moment for those WTF moments. It's set up like a workshop where you take breaks, talk with your partner, answer questions, and reflect according to your own life. Once you have access on my website, you have it for life.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:46 Why I created my online courses to bridge the gap in antenatal preparation
- 01:47 We prepare for birth and infant care, but not the experience of becoming a parent
- 02:21 Lucy Jones' Matrescence and getting the word in the dictionary
- 03:40 O Baby WTF: applicable to all expecting mothers and fathers
- 04:45 Matrescence impacts all spheres of your life, starting with identity
- 05:11 The myth: me plus baby. The reality: a whole new me
- 06:08 Matrescence as metamorphosis: the caterpillar and the butterfly
- 06:32 The cocoon midway: neither caterpillar nor butterfly, just goo
- 07:33 You won't feel solid in your role as a mother overnight
- 08:14 Matrescence has the same suffix as adolescence for a reason
- 09:22 Your body, brain chemistry, and hormones are hugely fluctuating
- 10:10 People treat you differently when pregnant and after baby
- 11:20 Partner's role: be the cocoon for the goo-like structure
- 11:56 Motherhood strips you of your emotional defenses and power suits
- 13:04 Four spheres in O Baby: identity, partner, community, work
- 13:30 When two becomes three: family dynamics shift
- 14:13 Living in a patriarchal world: men learning domestic roles
- 15:23 Dads spending time "on the pitch" to learn childcare
- 15:49 The maternal instinct myth: it's actually a steep learning curve
- 16:39 When dad does it wrong and mom gets uptight: the criticism cycle
- 17:36 Reducing mom's resentment by getting dad involved from the start
- 17:54 Community shifts: friends not showing up as expected
- 18:29 Friends stop inviting you or listening to baby talk
- 19:19 Work expectations: mother as if you don't work, work as if you aren't a mother
- 20:19 Five-part mental health toolkit for WTF moments
- 21:26 Workshop format: breaks, partner talks, reflection questions
